In This Issue
Honouring Tiny Moments
Appreciating the singular steps
Out of Town: March until July
Notice for future bookings
Creating A Solo Pleasure Practice
14 Feb at 12h EST with Raynefyre Grayce
Queer Scar Care Drop-in
19 Feb at 16h EST with Kota Rook
Honouring Tiny Moments
Appreciating the singular steps that make up transitions. When I moved to Canada, it was because I knew I wanted something different. I was unhappy with my work in tech, my volunteer offerings in politics, my community organizing efforts in women's groups, the ways I was presenting to the world, and more. Nothing awful. Just, blah. A beige future that I knew I would make the most of, and also, I wanted a different canvas. Fast forward and you'd see that my two years here were a bit of a shit show. My house flooded and we were in a rental with everything we owned in storage for 6 months, fighting with contractors throughout. I had a major schism with my central partner and our relationship unraveled despite our best efforts, another sweetie and I had misaligned connectivity desires, and I went on a bit of a dating rampage after it all, attempting to override the pain and find roots of connection and knowing as I was stepping into increasingly unstable bodily transitions. Enter 3 years of a pandemic and...to say I've felt unmoored in this land is to put it lightly. This past Summer, I finally for the first time, celebrated that move when I obtained my Canadian citizenship. Was I to celebrate the day my husband turned away from the news coverage of Trump and said, "I want to go home"? Or the day I received my permanent residence card? I might have celebrated the day we arrived in Montréal. I commemorated these moments with little more than gratitude that I was finally able to take the next step. The tasks of living.
But starting HRT grabbed my attention in ways that other major life transitions hadn't. I had chosen to have a double mastectomy while still living in the San Francisco area, and though I did mark that special occasion in several ways, I was shocked by the ongoing effects. The gratitudes keep rolling in after 6 years. I finally began to gain pleasurable nipple sensation this past Summer, my scars are still shifting and changing with my care, as are the effects of them on my shoulder pain. This experience taught me the significance of marking the little changes: because the day-to-day contrast was so shockingly stark to me. From the ways I washed my face, to the positions I could be with more comfortably in sex. And of course, the countless differences between being in the world with a large DD to then having this flat chest.
I'm thankful for those stark contrasts because when I began HRT I decided to document a shit ton of data: tracking my hormonal cycles even without blood, taking photos of my genital growth over time, highlighting and celebrating changes as they came up, crafting daily and weekly pleasure practices I've used to embrace the pieces with which I struggle. In this pile of marked noticings and namings, I also made recordings of the shifting soundscape of my vocal cords by periodically reading a poem, "Travelling the Unknown" by a local artist, elder and non-binary nebula, Marie Cornellier.
For my 41st birthday this year, Mikkipedia made me a time capsule and memorium of my deepening voice. They made several differing versions, each of which has taken my breath away for varied reasons. One of them features the meow of my cat, a companion for 16 years who crossed over just before the pandemic hit. That tiny background meow brought up such huge heart swells for those years of shared housing and care. I'm going to share with you my favorite of these artistries.
I'm so elated by my past self that noticed the arc of tiny steps that made up a monumental shift in my life by way of one decision, and took advantage of the tiny steps I was taking in yet a different direction! It's taught me countless lessons about noticing the singular actions that make up change.
I'm wondering, what are ways that help you remember to honour the tiny steps, the little moments of change that set you up for the big transitions? What resources help you to honour loss and fallowing in equal measure to blossoming and growth?
Out of Town: March until July
I'm heading out of the country for several months, making space to expand into new shapes and inhabit yet unknown movements. I'm not yet sure what's on the other side, whether you'll hear from me in the mean time, or if I'll take my computer with me at all.
I've been letting my clients know since November, and now it's your turn before I post to my social feeds that I'm unavailable. I'll be gone as of March, and plan to be back sometime in June. Wishing you a warm Spring; I look forward to meeting again in Summer.
Creating A Solo Pleasure Practice
14 Feb at 12h est via IG Live. A conversation with Raynefyre Grayce, for all queer and gender-queer people to drop in and chat about pleasure practices and erotic healing.
🥑 Together we will talk about why having a pleasure practice is foundational for our work and creative lives and welcome any questions about the benefits and challenges with keeping this practice alive. 🍆 We will share the explicit details of what a recent/current session might look like. Inviting steps from setting the stage to what tools might be invited on the journey to how to integrate. 🥭 This is the first of many discussions that we will facilitate to inspire queer collective erotic flow. So if you can’t make it this time send us your questions and we will fold them into the mix.
Queer Scar Care Drop-in: Inviting Pleasure
Monday 19th Feb, 16h - 17h
Virtual & Free/PWYC
Lots of us start out taking care with our scars. But what keeps you on the task of this as long term care? What compels you to WANT to tend to your scars internally and externally? We're here to chat about all things scars, and most especially how to invite pleasure and joy into these practices of body and heart tending.
This is for scars of ANY age resulting from: gender-related surgeries, illness, trauma, birthing, self-harm or other ruptures. Whatever your relationship to your scars - galaxies of celebration, grief, numbness, uncertainty - all of you is welcome and wanted in this space.
French translations if needed.
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